Tuesday, 17 January 2017
Please be aware I am not complaining about who I am or what I am like I am very thankful to Allah for the way I am and everything that I have Alhamdulillah. I am just expressing my feelings regarding an issue that comes to every mind and heart.
Insecurity is the worst kind of feeling you can feel within a marriage. I don’t know why but this was something that I have been battling with from the beginning of my marriage and I’m not quite sure why. My husband has never given me a reason to feel the way I do; he has been faithful and always made me feel like I was the prettiest thing in the world. So where does this feeling come from?
I guess as a woman or a human in general we all having things that we dislike about ourselves weather that is our hair, nose, legs or stomach. But since I know that no one is perfect why do I keep feeling the way I do? I’m always conscious of how I look and what he may think of me. It’s like I forget that he choose to marry me as I am and it was not forced on us. I’m always questioning where are you, where you going, why? Why? Why?
As a Muslim woman we are meant to look good for our husbands and likewise so are they. But sometimes I feel like I forget myself and only think of what he may think of me, this gets me into a mind set of obsession and feeling insecure. Causing us destruction! But that’s not even the worst of it I know for a fact I do not need to question my husband but I do it anyways. It’s like this obsession of wanting to know everything about him. It’s ridiculous because he is with us majority of the time.
These insecurities haunt me and cause me to be miserable and I don’t even know why they are there to begin with, I mean I have never been in a situation where I have been made to feel like I am not good enough or not worthy. Don’t get me wrong I am not depressed or unable to live my life because of this it’s just something that stuck with me and is always lingering in the back of my mind.
Advice to all the sisters reading this don’t let your negative thoughts control your life, actively practice never to let these negative thoughts play such a big factor in your life where it causes rift between you and your other half. Or even in any relationship be that your friend sister or mother! I was less fortunate as I wasn’t aware of how this was affecting me until now – now I feel like its too late that this negative mind set has been embedded inside my mind. But rest assured I will not give up with the will of Allah I will continue to fight with my nafs in sha Allah.
Where do I start... the last 11 months have been a crazy rollercoster, marriage, moving home, new job, travelling and even having babies! Yes BABIES! Mother of two in just one year - having twins is no joke i must admit.
14 Feb 2016
My wedding day.. I can say this with only my whole heart it was one of the best days of my life, I had the perfect guy and the perfect day just the way we planned. The start of somthing new, the start of my new found life Alhamdaulliah.
My husband had some time off at the time therefore he was home all the time, we spent I would say too much time together; always trying to fill our time with dinning, movies and fighting. They say first year of marriage is the hardest but subhanAllah no one could prepare me for the the war of Love and hate that was going on between us. Everything was an issue and everything was a problem, its like we went to sleep on the wrong side of the bed and woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I learnt alot during this time of my life, I thoguht marriage was flowers and roses but it was guns and roses! I guess my husband didnt have no middle ground he was always too nice or too much to handle. Don't get me wrong I don't think I am any angel I have my bad traits as well.
Fast forward to today 17 Jan 2017.
Now I am a mother of twins, married, living with inlaws and a 100 miles away from everyone and everything that I know.
So here is my insight into my marriage and life, motherhood and everything else that comes with it. We all have difficulties and struggles, I'm no professional and everything is far from perfect, and maybe my advice and story is not for everyone but this is real and this the things everyone is scard to talk about and admit...